Disillusioned
by Keltena
Summary: When the two people closest to you are gone, sometimes it's hard to know who to blame. A few last words to the most influential person in Flonne's life.


You always said it was good to think about things. Well, I've been thinking. Mid-Boss told us everything, you know... At least, that's what Etna says. I wasn't there, but she told me what he said... and what Laharl did, for me...

Mid-Boss said that you did it as a test... that you never intended to harm anyone. And I believe him. But even though you didn't want to kill anyone, you did. Laharl is gone now... and so are you. I should just be sad, but I can't be. I'm angry. Angry at Vulcanus for causing all this, and angry at Laharl for killing you... but mostly, I'm angry at you.

Maybe I shouldn't be angry. Angels shouldn't blame others for everything... but I'm not sure I'm really an angel anymore. Angels don't make friends with demons. Angels don't kill their own kind. I'm not sure what I am, anymore.

Maybe that's something I should talk to you about, while I'm still thinking about it. Angels don't kill other angels. I've always known that, but I never really thought hard about it. Angels don't kill other angels, but you did. You killed Vulcanus. Even though he did all those bad things and hurt so many people... isn't the reason we have rules so we can follow them faithfully, no matter what tempts us otherwise? I never thought about it before, but you must have killed a lot of people... Demons, or angels like Vulcanus, maybe even humans.

That day... I knew I would have to die. I knew that was the punishment for an angel who killed their own. Maybe that was your duty, to do what the other angels couldn't do. I'm sure it was hard for you. And I know you did it all for everyone's good, but... I can't forgive you.

I used to believe you'd never do the wrong thing. Now, I know that's not true. Maybe you wanted things to turn out right in the end, but they didn't. I can't believe I'm saying this, but... it's all your fault. Even if you meant to do the right thing, the things you did were wrong. It wasn't fair of you to expect us to do everything for you, and it wasn't fair that you expected Laharl to spare your life, after all you'd done to him. You made a mistake... and I can't forgive you for that. Not after everything I thought I knew about you.

I never thought I'd be angry at you. You were always there for me... you always listened to what I had to say, no matter how silly or not angelic it was. You were perfect. You were supposed to be perfect... at least, that's what I thought. I never realized you were just a person like anyone else.

Because of your mistake, Laharl ended up killing you and sacrificing himself to save me. Etna says he prayed to a god to bring me back. I used to believe in that... Now that I know there is a god, one who would trade one life for another, I don't want to believe anymore... What kind of a god would let everything go so wrong? What kind of a god would let someone as good at heart as Laharl sacrifice himself, even if he is a demon? I don't want to believe in someone like that... I guess I'm really not an angel anymore.

I still remember everything you told me when I was little. Now that you're gone, it makes me wonder what you were thinking all those times. When you told me there were good demons and evil angels, were you talking about yourself? And people like Laharl? I'm not that naïve now, like I used to be. I'm not alone now, either. I have friends, human friends and demon friends... and I've lost friends. I've lost Laharl, and I've lost you.

You were the person I looked up to most. You were the one who taught me everything, about good and evil, right and wrong, angels and demons. At least, that's what I thought. You, who taught me faith, ended up breaking my belief in everything I thought I knew. You, who taught me morals, forced me to find different ones. You, who taught me that nobody is perfect, proved it in the most painful way possible. You taught me that everyone makes mistakes... Now I know that even included you.

You helped me find my way. Everything I have, almost everything I know today, I owe to your guidance. But... even you couldn't do everything right. In the end, you weren't perfect, and in the end, you weren't the only one who paid for it.

I'm sorry, but I'll never forgive you for that.


End file.
